Father's Day, 2007

Last year's Post here.

June always has been, and may always be for me, Daddy month. Since I lost my Dad, a subtle melancholy appears around Memorial Day until sometime after my bday (I was born on Father's Day.) Should be lifting next week.

It's been good to be able to talk to Mom & siblings about having mixed feelings in this time: missing Dad, wanting to be as excited for Mom as her friends & sisters are ... Now that we're passing Father's Day, we can think differently. I watched Mom explaining her relationship with Pops to a nephew today, who seemed to feel better afterwards. Adolescents have no "medium setting" -- if they don't love something they act/think as if they hate it. I think he's headed in the positive direction, now.

I went to the cemetery after Mass today. Talked to Dad, some, mostly sat in the silence. I prayed a rosary for him, and asked him to pray for his children as we figure out how to move into this next phase of our lives.

Dad & Mom in 2002 on their birthdays


I found myself recalling Father's Day 2002, when Dad has first been told of his colon cancer diagnosis. We were all together at B1's house at the lake, all very hopeful of a recovery, all very aware of what a gift my Dad's life had been to us. In a particularly unhelpful, but honest moment, I heard myself say that I just wished I could return to that time.

Of course we can't. And in the quiet breeze, with no distractions as I prayed, I recognized that I (we?) often live our lives as if we can hit the reverse or delete button whenever we want. I don't have to be fully present with people, or think about consequences, etc., if I think I'll get 2nd chances. Time doesn't go backwards for the grieving, nor for the regretful.

I started this blog a little over two years ago to make myself pay attention to what I was thinking, and provide a place to record lessons I learned. I think I'll be thinking about this one for a while.

Back to the now: We're figuring out how to put on a "small family wedding," when around 150 people (non-related) fit the description of "well, they're really 'family', aren't they?" Add that to the 70 1st-3rd degree relatives ... fortunately, Southern Baptist wedding crowds don't always expect meals.

Happy Father's Day to Dads, Padres (including ones in training), soon-ish to be Dads (we heard the toast, Pritcher), etc.



Happy Father's Day to Papa O'Cayce, too!