Wednesday of the 3rd Week in Advent

So very behind on my idea of reading and reflecting on the readings each day.  So much realizing that mere force of will doesn't change the habits and business of life, even when the seasons change.

So, stuff I don't want to forget when the busyness of the season is over.

Wonderful, wonderful opportunity to sing in at Lessons and Carols in Durham on the 8th -- and even yesterday one of the lovely carols was resonating in my head.  I do so miss the folks at our old church.  But, as Izzy and I have discussed, moving back there would mean moving back to a different life. We aren't Presbyterian anymore, and that "outpost of the Kingdom of God" wouldn't be the center of our lives.

I am so glad our church doesn't have a running water font.  It's tough needing to wear earplugs during Mass--makes it very hard to sing.

Follow-up to last week's call from the breast center:

It was forever to the next morning when I could call and schedule the appointment for a recheck.  What was seen was described as "asymmetric density" when compared with lat year's X-rays. Doctor Google gave possible causes for asymmetric density ranging from an undifferentiated mass (time to get the will written) to "an island of normal breast tissue." I opted to only communicate with one friend prior to the repeat mammogram.  We're usually very open people, but there was nothing to be gained from frightening a bunch of folks.  Bottom line, the "spot compression" views (emphasis on the word compression) were normal.  We held each other close, toasted and gave thanks for our very good fortune, and I had the first non-Italian dinner in 5 nights as izzy prepared a feast of gratitude.  

Last Sunday's Gaudete Mass was again a capella, solo.  But for once, there was only one Mass to do over the weekend,  Izzy was actually surprised when I didn't head over early Saturday afternoon to get warmed up.  

Lots of babysitting-including for several little guys and a little girl Sunday. Parents were attending a baptism, and and out of town funeral.  We think one of the little ones may have opted to share a virus with us.  After sitting again last night (Tuesday), I came home and realized that whatever awfulness I was feeling was not just from the workplace brunch.  Brunches don't give fevers, at least not quickly.  So, I was home all day, sleepy and achy.  Izzy came home early, and is now in bed with a fever.  Fortunately, we stay well stocked in stock, plus ginger and garlic.  We'll be better by Friday, I'm sure, in plenty of time to stand as godparents for an adorable, very squishy, little guy this Sunday.  

That's it for now.  The only Christmassy thing we've put up on the leg lamp nightlight in the bathroom. I could say we haven't decorate because we are scrupulously keeping Advent, but it's more about motivation and time stewardship.  

Back to work tomorrow.  

Thursday of the 2nd Week in Advent

Also the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe.  Didn't get to Daily Mass like I have in the past for this date - meetings at work -- face-to-face and virtual.  

Called the Breast Center today and was told that the radiologist compared last year's films with this year's and noted "asymmetric density" on the left breast.  Doctor Google tells me that it would be everything from an undifferentiated mass (not good) to an "island of normal breast tissue" (presumably good.)  Repeat mammogram and sonogram tomorrow.  I've seen good flow charts showing what happens next, but we'll cross those bridges later.

Wonderful, very supportive text and phone convos with a dear friend who recently began his own cancer journey.  He wisely noted that the worry and fear one feels in this stage is the 2nd worse set of emotions -- the worst is the fear that comes with every odd symptoms that suggests that the cancer might be returning.  

Good evening with Italian food (4th night in a row) and babies.  I'd so missed my little now three year old buddy.  Big smiles from his baby sister lighted up Izzy's evening.    

The weekend may have lots of babysitting.  There will be music for Gaudete Sunday, as soon as I pick it out  Life will go on, and I have far too much to get done in far too little time to worry about asymmetric density.  

Monday of the First Week of Advent

Today was a day of working hard, and realizing that my motivations and attitudes were based on my (slowly dawning) realization that my boss just doesn't like me. I might get some begrudging respect, but never friendship or even collegiality. At this point, having realistically assessed the job market, and being stuck where I am, I've decided to focus on being grateful for employment and working to finish up ongoing projects as if I am preparing to leave.

Tonight's reading was on Noah-who worked in futility most of the time leading up to the flood. I'm praying for stamina and blameless performance that reflects my skills and gives full value to my employer. 

A friend who lost her mother to cancer has received terrible cancer news about her stepmother. They have another horrible journey ahead of their family. I pray to be faithful in prayer for them--maybe the promotions I've consistently not gotten give me time for others--time that would have been taken up at work. 

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Update: Carol died early in the morning of December 11.  I sat with her son-in-law and grandchildren at a funeral later that morning.  I held and played with a baby while we said good bye to a father/grandfather/godfather; the little child I held never got to meet her step-grandmother, who was always too ill whenever visits were suggested. Take those pics when I have a chance is my take-away,  

Rest in peace, Carol.