Life and Death and Dying

Life.

Izzy and I are in back in Durham for the Eliza's first birthday. The party, attended by well over 100 people was full of joyous and poignant moments. I got to hold Eliza several times, once for an extended period where I got to feel her helpless, vulnerable, precious weight in my arms, trying not to overstimulate her as she experienced several waves of seizure activity. I cried.

Her parents showed a montage of photos, overlaid with words from their earliest email posts about her life and condition. I cried.

Eliza's Dad, I learned today, is the author most responsible for the incredibly powerful statements of faith about her life. (Read here and here for examples.) At today's party, he said to the assembled group of friends and family: Eliza is teaching us how to be what we should be -- people relying on a God whom we know to be good. We then sang Happy Birthday, because, after all, it was a birthday party. I cried.

If we believe God is good, and believe He intends good towards us, then we have to believe that what comes our way is part of His good purposes. That's tough to take when a child is severely handicapped or dying. It can be even harder to remember when the suffering goes on without any end in sight... Eliza's parents have taught us so much about faith and the value to God of all those He has created.

Death.

Friends from Durham have a 20-month-old foster daughter, in addition to their three month old little girl. The foster child, another Izzi (the feminine spelling, I guess) lost her biological father this morning, She has no idea about this, and will not understand for years that her dad died while in another country. She spent dinner as a toddler should, eschewing the veggie pasta and reaching for the ice cream cake brought over by foster dad's parents for his bday. Her whole life changed, once again, today, and she won't know it for years.

All little Izzi knows is that she and "Uncle Izzy" had a great time playing at the dinner table and that her biological and foster grandparents (designations she doesn't know but people for whom she smiles brightly) are crazy about her and will do all they can to help her grow up safe and happy. Just like Eliza's parents, just like other parents cherishing these tiny gifts from God.

Dying.

We continue to pray for Gashwin and his family as his Dad slips closer and closer to the end of his life. I was privileged to speak with G this afternoon, sharing what I could about the dying process, comfort measures and treatment options for cancer patients, and honoring our parents in our care for them.

What a difficult time he and his family are having as Mr. Gomes body fights its last battles with cancer. There is no difficulty in the devotion, none in the care-giving, none in the intent to make him as comfortable as possible. The difficulty can come in the worrying and wondering and second-guessing that can accompany every single decision.

The best and most right decision was the trip to India. I am so glad this option was there for G.

From Sirach 3:3-14, read recently in Sunday Mass:

He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard.
He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the LORD who brings comfort to his mother.
He who fears the LORD honors his father, and serves his parents as rulers.
In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you;
For a father's blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother's curse uproots the growing plant.
Glory not in your father's shame, for his shame is no glory to you!
His father's honor is a man's glory; disgrace for her children, a mother's shame.
My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your
strength.
For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering--it will take lasting root.
In time of tribulation it will be recalled to your advantage, like warmth upon frost it will melt away your sins.

And that kindness, our imitation of God's goodness to us, will demonstrate to others just how much God loves them.