This one's for Pritcher

I followed a link* to the website of a Chicago advertising agency. Their White Papers make a good read if you like marketing theory, but I especially enjoyed the Cover Letters from Hell.

I think folks who get to read student prose daily will love it even more than I.

Teasers (plenty w/snarky editorial comments):

It is my desire to develop and generate the revolving scheme to filter to the consuming public in.

I expect the position to pay commissary to that of its value, as well as to the performance completed.

Skills: Microst word, excel, and power point. Mulitaks person, public speaking, and surveying. Professional Associations Chairwomen of Studnts Teaching Awareness and Responsibility organization Responsible for research of all 10 event topics, coordinating all campus chiarpersons.

"[My] proven record of successful brand building ... demonstrate[s] my ability to perform in a fast paced environment. Originally from Vietnam, I also offer expertise in the following areas:

- Asian cuisine: I deliver Nem, in-box or out-of-the-box,

- Traditional massage: I satisfy Client above their expectation,

- Karaoke singing: but also a lot of listening, listening and listening to Client. Would you like to taste any of those, please feel free to contact me on my email address mentioned above.

... But that's the past. I've given them a year of my life in a minimum security work camp and I'm nearing work release status where I'll be for the next 15 months or so... I need to connect with open-minded people like myself! My crime was a 'non-violent, victimless' one. I'm hoping this letter is reaching people who have or do smoke weed ...

At school he is a student of advertising, on the streets of Chicago he is a student of culture and memes...

Finally, the best reason ever to not just rely on Spell-Check when trying to impress:

I am seeking a new position as i have recently been laid.

Read them all--especially the one that led the firm to actually respond with helpful corrections--a response which led to a 4-page angry reply. Search for "Differently Stable."


* Our new "modern" route of discovery.