Open This in Private

Izzy was quite excited to show me an envelope that arrived in today's mail.  It said on the front:

Believing that the Holy Spirit will be

passing your home close to where

you will be sleeping tonight...

GET READY...SOMETHING GOOD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN!

 

PLEASE OPEN IN PRIVATE

I don't have the ability to reproduce black text with fake purple marker underlining, but you get the idea. 

 

It's addressed to "A Friend."  Izzy has decided that I must be the "friend" since it's a pretty thick packet from our friends at Saint Matthews Churches.  Yes, the seed faith folks are trying yet again to get our attention.

 

Flipping over the envelope, I read, in a ghastly replica of ye olde scripte, that

"You Have This Divine Promise From God..."

The letter, dated "6:15 AM Tuesday", tell me that I'm supposed to place a sealed purple envelope (the Purple Sealed Word) under my pillow tonight, plus keep the Purple Ribbon of Blessing Bible Marker near my body tonight.  Tomorrow, I would send in a prayer request form (my "Purple Ribbon of Blessing Prayer Page"), with any seed I might wish to sow in Saint Matthews Churches' ministry.  This somehow constitutes my "Ribbon of Purple Act of Faith." Only after doing all this, and waiting until tomorrow evening, after sunset, am I to open the Purple Sealed Word.

 

Recognizing how difficult this all might be for me, the letter tells me that

"If for any reason you can't [follow the instructions? sleep near the ribbon?] God will understand.  He sees all."

Why do all this?  Well, I am assured by the good folks at StMCs that

"There is a prophetic word in the sealed envelope.  This prophetic word, in the spirit, tells things which are to happen in your life...if you are the one God means this for." 

This is the best "out" I've ever seen for a "prophet" (what else should one be called who presumes to send out prophetic words?)  "We've sent you good news...if you're the one we've sent it to..."  Not exactly the confidence of Amos, Malachi, or even Jonah.

 

Since I knew "God would understand"...I opened the prophetic word envelope tonight.  Bad art, more fake purple maker, and a badly worded "word of prophecy" in all caps.  Best line:

...THE DIVINE EFFICIENCY OF MY POWER IS BEING BROUGHT TO BEAR ON ALL YOUR AFFAIRS.

Sadly, I guess I'll not benefit from that efficiency, having not waited until sunset tomorrow.

 

Back to the title of this post, I think that the admonition to open in private is so that recipients' families wouldn't be able to talk sense them and keep them from sending in $$.  I also know that, even if these transactions are hidden from family...

He sees all.