Dave Barry's Year in Review

Start HERE for a light-hearted look at the past year.

 

Spoiler Alert:  Don't read July if you've not yet finished the most recent Harry Potter Book (Harry Potter Must Be Like 32 Years Old By Now.)

 

Sense of Humor Deficit Alert:  Don't read at all if you are particulary fond of Greta Van Susteren or Joe Biden (or cannot take a joke)

 

Appetizers:

In Rome, the College of Cardinals gathers following the death of beloved Pope John Paul II. As the world waits breathlessly, the cardinals, after two days of secret deliberations, order white smoke to be sent up the Sistine Chapel chimney, signaling that they have made their decision: Robert Blake is definitely guilty.

 

. . the Runaway Bride story totally dominates the news, becoming so gigantically huge that some cable-TV news shows are forced to divert precious resources from the Michael Jackson trial.

 

The U.S. Senate reaches an agreement ending a stalemate over the confirmation of Bush-appointed judges, thus avoiding the so-called ''nuclear option,'' under which Sen. Joe Biden would be allowed to ask a question, thereby shutting the federal government down for months.

 

In disturbing medical news, a new study of 1,000 Americans finds that obesity in the United States has gotten so bad that there actually were, upon closer scrutiny, only 600 Americans involved in the study.

 

Regarding Katrina:

For several days chaos reigns, with most of the relief effort taking the form of Geraldo Rivera, who, by his own estimate, saves more than 170,000 people.

 

The hurricane season, which has produced so many storms that the National Weather Service is now naming them after fraternities, ...yet another hurricane, Kappa Sigma Gamma, forms in the South Atlantic, threatening to blast the U.S. mainland with a load of energy that, according to the National Hurricane Center, is the equivalent of 17 trillion six-packs of Bud Light.

 

Happy Reading.